Wenn Betriebssysteme Fernseher wären...

If operating systems were televisions

DOS

This TV is inexpensive and black and white.  You can watch
200 channels, but you have to turn the TV off when you want to
change channels.  You can only watch shows that last less than 64
minutes, 53 minutes if you want sound, 51 minutes if you have a
clock display on the screen, and 47 minutes if you have a VCR.

DOS with QEMM

The TV is inexpensive and black and white.  You
still have to turn the TV off when you want to change channels,
but you can now watch up to 4 hours of TV even with a VCR.

Windows 3.1

The TV is inexpensive, but all the colors are out
of the 60s.  You can change channels easily, but the TV sometimes
turns off unexpectedly.  You can use it with your VCR, but only
some VCRs and you can only record in MONO.

OS/2

The TV is a little expensive.  You have nice color and can
change channels easily, but you only have a few channels in stereo.
Most of your channels are colored like the 60s and some are black
and white.  You can only use 2 VCRs, but you can watch 25 channels
at the same time and in stereo.  Unfortunately the TV takes up the
entire wall.

System 7

This TV only has a small selection of channels,
but they are the major channels.  It installs itself, and has the
easiest remote.  Sometimes a bad channel will cause the TV to turn
off, but it always apologizes and makes a nice sound when it comes
back on.  The TV is a little expensive, but it comes with stereo
and a VCR.

Windows NT 3.1

This TV is expensive.  Although it is the first TV
it is called 3.1 because it was made by the same people as the
Windows 3.1 TV, and can show some of the same channels--only slower.
Unlike OS/2 this TV does not take up the whole wall, it takes up
the whole room.  It requires you to prove who you are before allowing
you to watch TV.  You can set up additional TV's around the room
which can share this TV's channels.  Only a very few VCRs work with
this TV and they only play, you cannot record.

Chicago

With this TV you do not have to worry about room space
or expense because although people talk about it as if it exists,
it doesn't.  This makes this TV a perfect replacement for whatever
you are using now, except you cannot get it now.  This TV does
everything, but is inexpensive and small.

NeXTstep

This TV is in its own world.  It has a wide perspective
tube for watching movies like in theatres.  It has quadrophonic,
and surround-sound.  This TV is large, but not as expensive as the
Windows NT TV.  It shows many of the UNIX channels, and some other
of its own channels in 3D!  It is very easy to make shows for this
TV.

Taligent

This TV  comes in little pieces which can be mixed
and matched by the purchaser to get the TV they want.  It does not
exist yet as a complete unit, but you can buy some of the pieces.
It does not have a price, but it is expected to take up a large
part of your living room--if not all of it.  The designers explain
that by the time you can buy this TV houses will be bigger, of
course that is what the Windows Nt people said too.

Newton OS

This is an itty-bittey TV for your suit pocket.
It is easy to use, but it only gets a few channels.  You add channels
one at a time through a slot on the top.  Unfortunately you can
only have one channel in the slot at a time.  If you want to use
the VCR you need to put it into the slot, so you cannot use the
VCR and a channel at the same time.  However, you can connect it
to your old TV.  This TV is very friendly and an assistant will
help you program the VCR.  The designers of this TV have said that
this is the first of a family of TV's, but haven't said more.  This
TV has been the butt of a lot of jokes from reporters who were
unable to figure out how to set the time (because they failed to
read the manual or listen to it try and help.)

WorkPlace OS

This is often confused as a TV, but it is actually
a TV stand.  You can put any of the TV's on top of this stand, but
some of them are a little too heavy for it to be practical.  This
stand is not yet available, but the wood top and the roller wheels
have been seen at trade shows.  It will probably be expensive, but
may not be very large on its own.

GeoWorks

This is a small black and white TV with some real
nice transistors.  It only gets a few channels, but it comes in a
variety of boxes.  It is inexpensive and has delusions of superiority.
You can watch several shows at the same time.

Amiga OS

This is a lonely TV and bitter TV.  It once looked
like it would be the best TV ever, but the manufacturers thought
it was a toaster.  It has done well as a toaster and can play many
of the same channels as the other TVs.  People who own this TV tend
to be very defensive and very vocal about it not being a toaster.
It has stereo sound, and very nice color.  It works with many VCRs,
much to the surprise of the VCR producers who thought this TV was
a toaster.  It is good about not turning off in the middle of a
show, and you can watch several shows at the same time.